As we celebrate Father’s Day this weekend, I am filled with a renewed sense of gratitude for my own father. He was very present in my life growing up, always encouraging and supporting me in my many interests. He also held me to a high standard and wasn’t afraid to discipline me when I needed it. This is perhaps the most difficult role of a father, and also one of the most foundational. Broadly speaking, the father usually serves as the disciplinarian (“Just wait until your father gets home!”). His role of providing order and stability in the family complements the mother’s role of nurturing and comforting. I have heard it said that a parent must choose between either being their child’s friend when they’re raising them 

or being their friend when they’re grown up. A parent who neglects this responsibility to discipline and form their child into a well-balanced person may seem like a “cool parent” in the short term, but will ultimately be resented when the child is an adult who struggles to integrate into society.

When we think of God the Father, we might picture a tyrant who is waiting for us to mess up. The language of discipline and fatherhood does not sit well with many people. This discomfort is understandable, since many of us have experienced a broken image of fatherhood. We may project the shortcomings of our human fathers onto our idea of God. But doing this is totally backwards. In reality, it is God’s fatherhood that is the standard and source of human fatherhood (Eph 3:14-15). Since God is only ever the source of good things, any imperfection in fatherhood we experience is not an example of God’s fatherhood, but a deviation from it. God the Father is neither an overbearing authoritarian with arbitrary rules, nor a dad who abandons us and doesn’t care what we do with our lives.

Rather, God’s fatherhood refers to the reality that He is the first origin of all things, the transcendent authority, and goodness itself who lovingly cares for His children. We can be certain of this truth because it has been revealed to us by Jesus Christ, who is the Son Incarnate. We know the Father because He has been revealed to us in the Son (John 1:18), who is the visible image of the Father (Col 1:15).

So, what does this have to do with discipline? We think of discipline as meaning “punishment,” but that’s not quite correct. Discipline actually comes from Latin word discere, which means “to learn.” This Latin root is shared by the words “disciple” and “discipleship.” At the Last Supper, Jesus tells the disciples, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:14-15). Notice here that Jesus doesn’t say “no longer do I call you disciples.” In fact, the opposite is true: Discipleship is the foundation of friendship with Christ. If we are not truly his disciples, then we are not truly His friends.

A good father wants his child to become the best person he can be. Because of this, he must discipline his child. This discipline is what allows an earthly father to be friends with his adult child. So, too, does our Heavenly Father discipline us with perfect love. By becoming the disciples of His Son, we are able to become His friends as well. We become adopted sons and daughters of God through Jesus Christ (Eph 1:5). “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love…. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:9-12)