Seminarian Reflection June 23: Discerning My Vocation

   At my preschool graduation we all had the chance to walk up on the podium and say what we wanted to be when we grew up as we received our diploma. When it was my turn, I got up and happily announced to all gathered that when I grew up, I was going to be the pope. My parents were just as surprised and amused as everyone else. Clearly, I wasn’t too committed to this dream, because when my mom asked me a week later to tell our priest what I said, I responded that I was going to be a Jedi.
   My career ideas changed from year to year as I grew up: I had many interests and nothing that I considered had real staying power. Yet throughout all of this, priesthood always remained in the back of my mind. When asked what I wanted to do, I would often name my latest interest and then tack “or maybe priesthood” on the end. My senior year of high school, the vocations director for Spokane even told me after Mass “Colby, you need to be a priest.” I had never had someone tell me this so directly. Ultimately, I decided that I would pursue psychiatry, and went to Gonzaga to study psychology and philosophy.
    I became increasingly interested in my faith during college. I had a solid foundation from my Catholic education growing up, but I didn’t have a prayer life to speak of. I began going to spiritual direction in the fall of my sophomore year and my spiritual director also told me that I had a vocation to the priesthood, and encouraged me to grow in my prayer life. It was through a more consistent prayer life that I began to be able to listen to the voice of God more clearly.
   I began to realize that in spite of things going really well for me, there was a deep lack of interior peace. I knew that I couldn’t put off seminary any longer, and decided to do something about it. I took a leap of faith, broke up with my girlfriend at the time, and flew down to Oakland, California over spring break to do a discernment retreat with the Dominican order.
   I continued discerning with the Dominicans throughout college. But during those last months at Gonzaga, I began to prayerfully consider whether or not the Lord might be inviting me to be a priest in the Diocese of Spokane instead. I reached out to the vocations director and he recommended that I go on a discernment retreat at St. Patrick’s in Menlo Park, California. After praying through it over the next few weeks the Lord made it abundantly clear that He wanted me to study for Spokane and began my studies at St. Patrick’s in the Fall of 2022.
    Entering seminary is one of the best decisions that I’ve made in my life. It isn’t always easy or pleasant, but what vocation is? And in the midst of any struggles, I have that abiding peace that I was lacking in college. I know that in spite of any hardships I face, I am following God’s will. I am exactly where He needs me to be. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. Because even the worst day of following God trumps the best day of making up my own plans.
    It is easy to read the lives of the saints and think of them as untouchable figures from an era long past. We find it much easier to believe that God speaks to them than to believe that He might be speaking to us. I know that I certainly felt this way myself. But while I have a long way to go in the journey of holiness, I have come to believe that God is speaking to me every day and inviting me to follow Him. I don’t hear His voice audibly, but I can sense that “still, small voice” (1 Kings 19:12) quietly urging me onwards. If that sounds enticing then I have good news for you: God is speaking to each one of us! He may not be calling you to be a priest, nun, or monk, but I promise you that He is calling you to do something. He has prepared something for you and for you alone, and He is giving you the choice of whether or not to follow Him. This is true for each and every one of us. We just have to tune our ears to hear His voice in prayer. While this takes some effort, I promise you that it’s worth it. The only thing left for us to decide is if we will say yes. Will we say yes to the peace that only God can give us? Will we say yes to the adventure of a lifetime?